"All We Know is Falling . . ."

Why is change such a huge part of life?  I look around, and I see the way things are now.  They're so different to how life was in days gone by.  Society changes, people change, ideas conform and mold to the times. Things that I took as solid, that I always "knew" would stay the same, have faded.  People that I looked to as a guide or encouragement, have fallen or compromised.  I know that God is the rock that never changes. . . but even He seems so distant at times. . . . especially times like these.  What is there to hold on to, and in reality. . . am I as solid as I think I am? Or have I fallen as well. If you really think about it . . . Jesus said its a narrow road, and only a few find it. If only a few people can find this narrow road, that tells me that its a VERY narrow road . . . almost like a deer path kind of road. Something off the  beaten path, twisting and winding away from the rest of the noise and traffic.  The thing about those kind of trails though, is that they're easy to lose. Its easy to get distracted. To stop concentrating on tracking the prize. Is that the story of my life? Am I fooling myself sometimes? Have I really been chasing my tail, and getting nowhere? Have I simply let myself become a plaything of circumstance, to be tossed around with no rhyme or reason? Its often on nights like these that I get a serious reality check.  No its true, I'm not where I used to be, and Im not where I want to be. But I must always take account of where I am in the moment . . . cause its so easy to be pulled away and not even realize it.

"Dare You to Move . . ."

Life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass. . . sometimes its about just being able to step outside, stare up at the sky, and in spite of all your frustrations and fears . . . just start walking. ''Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." But, what I do all night long, while Im weeping and wondering why, just might change everything. Is it wrong to be confused? to wonder why? to question God? to sometimes just break down and lose it? Not at all. God is a big God. I know that sounds so cliche, but it that statement is more true than truth itself. We serve a God that can take all of our troubled, unanswered, cynical questions. . . and not only answer them, but in doing so, draw us closer to Him. . .the very one we were questioning to begin with. So is it wrong to feel like the world is crashing down? Not at all. . . .But keep walking. Nothing is easier to hit than a stationary target. So, while I am waiting for the joy to come, if I stay sitting where I am, Satan will have the time of his life making me miserable. 


Sometimes life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to get up, and push through all the doubts and fears that are clouding your mind, and just start walking. Sure, you'll get drenched and soaked through to the bone with all the things facing you. . . but thats the point. Now move forward, push through, press on. Look up at the sky and scream at the storm, let your voice be drowned out by the sound of the thunder, and the crash of lightning.. . . but at the same time remember that the storm your walking through is just a breath away from being drowned out by a whisper of Him that created it. Sometimes, life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to get up in the middle of it. . . . and just start walking.

"A Beautiful Collision . . . "

Why is this so foreign to us? What is it about the majesty and power of the very God we were created to worship, that makes us feel so estranged sometimes? Is it that perhaps in my worship to the King of Kings, I forget that He became a man, and lived among us. Is it that in the adoration of my heavenly father, I fail to remember the supreme power of the God that whispered the stars into existence. Or is it that I'm so caught between the two? Caught in the beautiful dichotomy that our God is. On the one side, He creates and destroys with a brush of His finger. Yet at the same time, when I am hurting, He reaches down and holds me in the center or that very same hand. I don't understand that. How could something so powerful be so gentle? And how could something so comforting, be so awesome? I don't know how to approach such a perfect contradiction. I feel like if I approach Him with the caution and reverence that is due to a King, I am throwing off the very son ship that Christ died to give us. But if I come at Him like I often come to my dad, I feel like I'm flying in the face of the sovereign  God and King that He is. Maybe the beauty of this contradiction comes from His willingness to receive us as both son and subject. His sacrifice didn't end with His son on the cross... It continues through the righteous humility He continues to show us. He doesn't have to take us as we are, He chooses to. His ways really aren't ours. I still don't completely understand it, but maybe that's the miracle of it all . . . I don't have to. . . . 

"Oh Lord, You're Beautiful . . ."

Oh Lord, you're beautiful,
Your face is all I seek,
For when your eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.

I want to take your word and shine it all around.
But first help me just to live it Lord.
And when I'm doing well, help me to never seek a crown.
For my reward is giving glory to you.

Oh Lord, please light the fire,
That once burned bright and clear.
Replace the lamp of my first love,
That burns with Holy fear.

"Nothing But The Blood . . ."

“What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.  Oh precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow.”  I’ve never really thought about the actual depth of meaning that even just that phrase has. “Oh precious is the flow” . . . Precious means so much. It’s a word that holds such value.  I mean, if something is precious,  you would do just about anything to keep it safe and guarded.  It has value to you . . . maybe not to the rest of the world, but to you it is worth the world.  Something precious, is that thing that brings a sparkle to your eye, but so often brings pain to your heart.  Something that costs you nothing is cheap and expendable, but if that something cost you dearly. . .its value increases immeasurably.  How often have I just passed over that phrase.  Just skipping on by totally forgetting how precious the blood of Christ really is. The blood of Christ saved me. . . is saving me . . . from having to try and earn my way to God.  Once I realize its true value, I want to guard it. . . but once I realize its true essence, I begin to understand that it is guarding me.  The rest of the world looks at His blood as a strange thing, to be discarded.  We however, understand that the rest of the world pales in comparison to the amazing love, and unmerited grace that His blood represents.  Yes, the gift of God is salvation, and it is free. . . and at the same time, it costs us so dearly.  How can something that is free, cost so much? Because when you accept that gift, it changes everything about you. Who you are, where you're heading, and what you're living for.  

I wonder if we, as the church, have it backwards? We tell ourselves that salvation is God's free gift - emphasis on free. We leave out the part where the Bible talks about counting the cost (Luke 14).  We so often forget that there is a price to be paid. Just like the old hymn says, "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe." In the end, it is the blood of Christ that is of sole importance. . . something so precious and worth so much.  Let us never forget the value and the price. . . 

"God Bless the Broken Road. . ."

Man, I really need to keep up writing on here, and stop taking two months in between posts, so you'll have to forgive me if my writing is a little rusty.... Well, its June 30th here in Sydney, and I have two days of calm before the utter chaos of Hillsong Conference totally breaks free. (total UNITED reference there.)  Anyway, so I was thinking over the last few days, what to do when the situation you're in, is less than perfect . . . quite a bit less than perfect sometimes. . . but you know that where you are is right where you need to be.  Here's what I came up with. You can sit there, wallowing in the problems and frustrations that seem to be swirling all around you.  You can take it all in and complain, saying what you would change, and blame everyone else for doing a horrible job and making your life miserable.  Or. . . and this is a big "or."  Or, you can rise above the storm, looking down into the swirling chaos, and see the big picture. Yup, you'll see problems and things being done wrong, but there will be something good in there. . . there almost always is.  Its not your job to fly in and save the day. To be the superhero that the world needs.  My dad used to tell me every once in a while, when I'd try to correct his parenting (yeah right. . .) "Dont you try and change me and how I do things.  You just make a note of it and do it better when you're a dad."  That used to frustrate the mess out of me.  I would look back at him, and think  . . . not say, cause that wouldn't have been smart. . . but think, "how can you sit there and ignore this brilliant parenting advice that Im giving you right now?  I mean someone should come talk to me and write a book about these genius ideas, and you're totally ignoring them. . ." Yet, here I am looking back 17 years later (cause I only thought that when I was REALLY young and stupid. . . yeaaaa....) realizing that, whether he meant to or not, he was teaching me one of the most valuable parenting lessons ever.  The lesson that its not always your responsibility to change whats going on around you. That most times, even though you have the most brilliant ideas in the world, you just need to accept whats happening. You can change things when you're in charge. . . but just remember that the view from the hotseat isn't the same as the view from the outside.  So, when you're walking down the road, just remember that it is going to be a broken road. Its not going to be perfect, and things along the way will trip you up. But God blessed the broken road . . . and it will lead you straight to Him.

"The Long and Winding Road". . .

Well, its been a freakishly long time since I've written on here. Sorry about that! Anyway, God is so good! Yeah I know thats kinda random to say as the first sentence in a way overdue post. . .  but oh well. So here's the back story to that.  When God spoke to Abraham and said, "Go to a land I will show you", God wasn't too specific.  He just said, "Hey Abraham, I got something I want you to do, but you gotta move, and ya gotta go now. I wont tell you where you're going just yet. . . but I wont leave you" God tends to operate through acts of blind faith.
That brings me to this week.  Saturday of last week I was riding home from what was supposed to be a short trip to the store. . . when I felt like something was telling me to keep driving down this road. What?? That cant be for real. 1. Why would God tell me to do something as stupid as keep driving. and 2. What the world is the reason to do that. . . it makes no sense. For some reason though, I did. I kept driving. . . with no idea where I was going. Ten min. later another small voice in the back of my head . . .  " Turn here" This went on for about an hour when I finally got back home.  I was honestly expecting something epic to happen. Or at least to find a good music store, but none of that happened. So I went on with the rest of the week feeling pretty stupid and ignorant. (Sorry, by the way, if this is slightly incoherent. I may or may not have just woken up)
That was last week. Yesterday, I had to take my scooter in to the shop for a tune up and minor repairs.  Now the place that I take it to, it very close to downtown Sydney, but from my place it only like 3 turns and alot of driving. So I got there with no problems, and had the work done. By the time I left, it was about 8:30 PM and pretty dark. . . but thats no big deal. So I start off on the return journey, and right soon after I start, the road splits and I got channeled down the wrong fork. Oh well I thought, Ill use this as an excuse for exploring Sydney. It was actually pretty cool. I went over the Harbor Bridge, and past the Opera House. OK, adventure over. . . time to get home. . . .Where the heck is that?! Not cool. Anyway, to make a long and slightly confusing story short, I got directions and started heading back at 80kph in very cold wether wearing only a light jacket. Needless to say, I was cold and tired and didnt have a great idea of exactly where I was. . . .Until I got halfway home. Things started to look familiar. I know this road! From where though? Haha. . . that random roadtrip that I felt like I was supposed to take . . . . This was the exact road I came down! I finally knew where I was. It turns out that the seemingly random leading of God that left me feeling so stupid, was what actually guided me home. Kinda funny how God works things out huh?

"Aftermath. . ." - Part 2

Friday...

In the midst of the chaos.... In the din of the surrounding darkness. The piercing screams of everyone around. How  could this happen. The one on whom we've pinned our hopes. Jesus Christ . . . The God-man, hanging on the tree, crucified. . . Dying on the cross. How can this happen? 

The darkness envelops me. . . The sinking feeling that comes with knowing that everything that you've hoped for, everything you've counted on. . . Has just failed. They take Him down off the cross and wrap His body, preparing it for burial.  As He is lowered into the tomb, those standing nearby, scream curses and laugh. Laugh! How has the son of God become the laughing stock of the entire world.  How can we pick up the pieces, and recover from the aftermath of His failure? 

Sunday...

The guards stand before their commander, shaken and horrified. No one seems to be able to explain what happened. One second everything was normal. . . The next they woke up in a stunned stupor to find the body they were guarding. . . Was gone. Vanished. Dead people just don't get up and leave. It just doesn't happen! 

Those Christ was closest to have gathered in a room, scared, confused, and unsure of anything. All of a sudden, He appears,   making sense of all their questions. . . Calming all their fears.  Finally, I understand that it is through the aftermath of His death, that He can pick up the aftermath of my life. . . .

"Aftermath. . ."

The Aftermath..."

You stand in the dim twilight, stunned to silence, oblivious to everything around you.  As the fog begins to clear, the gravity of everything begins to set in. Looking around, all that's in sight is the tangled and twisted mess that made up life. The chaos that used to surround you, and be your constant companion, has given way to eire silence.  The incessant movement and busyness has ceased, forcing you face the wreckage, that is your life. . . Or what's left of it. Where did this come from? Why? Everything that I've worked to build. Everything I've come to know. Why?  
. . . Could that be the reason? Has it been all about me? Have I tried to take the reigns of my life and decide my fate? In that moment of silent surrender, that moment of stark realization, I sink to my knees in acknowledgment of His awesome power. It is here that I'm found, in the aftermath of His will. The aftermath of His calling. Amid the wreckage that has become my life, a still small voice simply whispers, "I Am here". In the broken, and in the hurting, I know that you're with me. Through the joy and the triumph, I know you're with me. No matter what the situation, I know your love will light the way.  How can I stay here, subdued by the darkness around me, when His hand is stretched out. . . Reaching to pull me from the ashes. It is now that I finally see that Christ is, what Christ offers. Now I can see that the Aftermath . . . Is only the beginning . . . 

"Welcome Home. . ."

"Home is where the heart is. . ."  Such a great old saying that I haven't heard used much anymore.  What is home? What does that even mean? Have we forgotten what home is, or where it is?  Maybe with all the chaos that our lives are filled with, we have forgotten to remember the singular basic foundation that our lives are built upon.  So home is where the heart is. . . But where is that? Is that back in our hometown? Where our family is? Maybe where our dreams will take us? What about where we are now? Does there have to be one place that you call home based on where your heart is at any given moment?
Change gears for just a second. . .  Christ calls us to excel at whatever we do  (Colossians 3:23 - The favorite verse of Christian educators worldwide - "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men").  He calls us to work with excellence, to reflect Him and who He is.  He doesn't however, always call us to work, or serve Him in the the place that is most comfortable, or the most convenient for us.  Should we then reject His standard, and do what He's called us to do, where He's called us to do it, with a begrudging attitude?  Or should we then, taking up the cause of Christ, and denying ourselves, work wholeheartedly at what He's called us to?  Ya see when that happens, and you put your whole heart into His calling. . .whether its being a senior pastor, or cleaning up after the senior social club. . . the place that God has called you to, becomes your home.  Not your physical home, or even emotional home, but rather you begin to feel at home there.  You begin to feel at home in the call that He has placed on your life . . . in this moment.  It is then, that we truly become the temple of the Holy Spirit, its fullest essence.  A follower of Christ, that not only verbally says he believes, but is actively living their belief out, in total and unreserved surrender - all to the glory of Jesus Christ.  One that has put aside his/her own desires, and simply says, "Yes Lord".  So. . . if home is where the heart is, and you are where God has placed you. . . .Then . . . . "Welcome Home".

"The Time Has Come. . ."

Ladies and Gentlemen.  I have made a stark realization! I have started this blog, and jumped headlong into the world of cyber information broadcasting without setting forth a very important piece of literature! The time has come to publish my Disclaimer! (wow that was a lot of exclamation points)   Hmmm. . . .how to go about this? Well as the name implies, there will definitely be times of . . . rambling aimlessly.  Sometimes the only way I can collect all my thoughts is to write them down, and occasionally this will be where I do that. So forgive me if sometimes I seem rather scatter-brained in my scribblings.  For those of you who actually know me for real, there is absolutely nothing new (except now, no one can interrupt me. . .he he he)
I probably wont use the best grammar, as those in gavel club would be able to easily tell you, nor will I always use the correct punctuation. I use the ellipsis (. . . ) all the time. . .even in the wrong places.  So, all this being said, if you are an avid grammarian that is offended by the slightest error, or possibly someone with with a deathly fear of randomness. . .read at your own risk! (to be said in a slightly creepy, overly dramatic, possibly english-ish accent) Anyway Thanks a lot ya'll.


. . . . oh yeah. . . I say "ya'll" too. . .

"With Everything. . ."

Wow! If the first class is any indication of how this year is going to be, then this will be the most amazing year of school I've ever had! Yeah, Lee was great and the new experience of being out on my own was awesome. And sure North Greenville was amazing, getting to come home every weekend.  But there is something about standing on the edge of an adventure, knowing that it will forever change your life, though you're not exactly sure how. There's the wonder and awe of the unknown mixed with the anticipation of the uncertain that has the potential to stir you to greatness, or subdue you to complacency.  To stir you to the greatness God has called you to, through His grace, to the glory of His name. . . THE name. Or it can drive you to into the abject complacency that the devil has so perfectly planned for you to fall into.  You can run, with everything, after His plan, with reckless abandon; or you can choose to stay in the comfortable realm of what is popular - conforming to the chaos around you.  2011 is a year of new beginnings . . . Which will you choose? 

"Journey. . ."

So once again I'm going back to the whole faithfulness of God thing.  I just cant seem to get off of it. . . Theres something about knowing that there is something HUGE out there. A huge God with an incredibly large, all encompassing, inescapable plan. . . and knowing that I'm a part of it!  You have no idea what role you play, but somehow there is an overwhelming sense of calm, knowing that wherever He leads, He'll be faithful to take care of you. Prefect example:
A couple days ago, Brandon and I took a bus up to Castle Towers (just one of the shopping centers outside Sydney) Getting there was no problem, we took one bus straight where we wanted to go.  However, getting home was a different story.  We were pretty sure that we were supposed to just jump on the same bus that we rode up on, and take that back home. But, as you can imagine, we wanted to just make extra sure. Hmmmm, who could we ask that would know. . . Ah hah! Another bus driver. So we found us a bus driver and asked him. Long story short, he said, Look just jump on with me and Ill get ya there, so jump on we did. And we rode all over the place, of course we had no idea where we were the whole time.  Eventually, we get to the T-way (a dedicated bus road in Australia) and he tells us to get off, and that another bus would come and take us the rest of the way.  Brandon and I, however, being the street-savy dudes that we are, decided to check the bus times (on the handy-dandy chart the bus service provided). Wonderful. . . the very helpful bus driver, had left us to wait for a bus that doesn't run on Saturday. . . it was Saturday!  Ya know God, I really appreciate the help in trying to immerse us in the culture and teach us patience and everything, but its hot out here, I have no idea where I am, I wanna get home and Im tired. . . so a little help would be good, ya know. (Now pause real quick. First I wasn't that sarcastic, but it was still kinda frustrating. And secondly, ever since I got here, I've been hearing things about how "God will do amazing things in your life and provide for you just when you need it". Even about how as soon as you say "amen", God would show up. So I kinda had all this goin on in the back of my head)
Well theres nothin for it, we better start walkin'. . . .once we know where we're going.  So we stop to ask directions. . .a totally logical thing to do in our situation. The first car we tried to flag down didnt even stop. The second car however, was a taxi van (Total AWESOMENESS!!) which did stop, but instead of  offering directions, he waves for us to get in!  Hmmmm. . . me being the suspicious foreigner that I am, and not knowing how their (very expensive) taxi service works, proceeded to assure the driver that we couldnt pay him, and that we just needed directions.  To which he replied that he was off duty and headed in our direction anyway, and just to hop in anyway.  WOW! Talk about a fast turn around time! This is just another example of how Gods faithfulness is amazing! I mean, not only did we get a ride home, but it was in a taxi that took us to our front door, instead of a bus stop 100 yards away! What an awesome God we serve, and what an amazing journey He's called us to. . .

Two Step. . .

Fast forward a year and 5 jobs later (all at one time), and my brother and I are on a plane headed off to a mystic and foreign land known as Australia. . .Down under. . .The Outback. . . .What the heck were we thinking?!? How in the world was I planning to pack my entire life into four suitcases, get on a plane and trade everything I've ever known for things I've only heard about? Good question. . . and the answer was about to show up faster than I expected.
Somehow I got packed and ready to roll (three cases filled to the brim with drums, and one suitcase of clothes. . . and one drum. Very practical I know), made it to the airport, and after saying goodbye to Mom and Dad, boarded the plane.  Twenty-four hours later we landed safely in the beautiful, but seriously ozone-lacking city of Sydney Awesome! All thats left to do is collect our bags and . . . . wait what? Great, so here we are in a strange city and none of our luggage made it? Oh what a wonderful trip this is turning out to be some kind of adventure! I know that God calls us to some difficult situations sometimes, but at least let me get settled in first. . .
No such luck.  Anyway, to make a long story short, 3 ish days later, we got all our luggage back.  This was the first (of many) times that God would show His faithfulness to us, me particularly.  I have always taken God at His word and believed that He is faithful, but thats mostly what it was. . .faith.  I would hear mom and dad talk about it and hear pastors talk about the faithfulness of God, but didnt always obviously see it.  Ive got a feeling that this adventure will change the way I look at His faithfulness.  Like someone I know once said, things might not happen the way we think they should, but God is faithful and His plan is best whatever that looks like. . .  

Square One. . .

Hey Ya'll. . . .
and yes I did just say ya'll (I'm trying to indoctrinate Australia with Southern culture. We'll see how that goes).  Well this is the first blog that I've ever done, so I'm totally clueless as to how this whole thing works.  Anyway, this blog is intended to chronicle the my journey, not just to Hillsong International Leadership College in Sydney Australia, but the live journey that God is getting ready to take me on over the next few years.
     So the story starts many years ago . . . the day I fell in love with playing drums (and you think Giligan's Island involved a fateful trip).  So I started diving into this wonderful world of music and percussion and have never looked back, taking every opportunity I could to play, mostly because it was fun.  But thats not what music is about, and more importantly thats not what worship music is about. Worship is about giving our praise and glory to God (but more on that later).  Anyway, as I kept playing for our church, a passion for something other than just smacking wooden tubes began to develop. . . a passion for worship. Soon after that, I felt God start to call me to music . . . no idea how or where just to go.  I didn't mind the idea, except for a few things. So I had this conversation with God:

God: .......
Me: Yeah, that sounds like it could be fun but. . .
God: But what?
Me: Well ya see, I'm quite the outdoors kinda guy, so I dont mind living in a tent for the rest of the foreseeable future. . .
God: . .  And this has what to do with music?
Me: Hmmmm, well I guess you haven't seen a musicians paycheck lately, we don't make a lot of money. . .just about enough to buy a nice tent.
God: Ok. . . .
Me: Well I'd maybe like to get married someday, and Ive heard that girls like a little more security than 4 canvas walls. . .you had to make em like that . . .
God: *Silence*

After that part God was pretty quiet, so I figured I must have convinced Him and brought Him over to see my point of view. So with this idea, I graduated high school, packed my stuff up and headed to Lee University. . .to get a business degree. Not exactly what I had in mind for happy exciting life, but what I figured would pay the bills and provide something for a family someday.  As it turns out, I wasnt supposed to be at Lee, so I transferred to North Greenville University. This school was much closer to home, and I had a car by this point, so I was able to come home every weekend, and keep playing music at church. One thing led to another, and before I knew it I was sitting at Passion 2010 in Atlanta having another conversation with God. By the way, this is the very short version of this story. . . . So this second  conversation went something like this:

God: You still aren't listening. . .
Me: I thought we already had this settled. . .
God: Nope.
Me: *sigh* well my argument is still the same
God: Yup, so's mine. . .but your argument is based on a false assumption.
Me: Oh really? . . . And whats that?
God: What girl are you planning your life around? You're not married, not engaged, not in a relationship, not nothin'. . . So you're planning your life around someone that I haven't shown you yet. . .but that aside, if I call you to do something, don't you think Ill provide for you. . .and your as-of-yet-nonexistant wife.
Me: *Silence*
God: Thats what I thought

Once again I brilliantly put my foot in my mouth.  God had won (as usual) and I now knew what I needed to do. . . I just had no idea how to go about doing it.  After much prayer and research, I finally settled on Hillsong International Leadership College. That was when the real journey began. . . .